Just as I am

Psalm 139:14

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works, that I know very well.

I did not always believe that I was wonderfully made.  

To be clear, I always believed that that thing called the human body which God created is a wonderful and amazing thing.  All of these parts that work together - so many bones and sinews and muscles, the brain, the heart, all of those organs that do whatever they do so that everything works together properly - this is beyond amazing.

But as for me, Maria, this particular person in this particular body . .  Not so much.  If I listened to others, especially some family members, there were so very many things wrong with me.  Depending on the year, I was too thin or too fat.  I was too short.  My hair was too straight. (Except during that wonderful period in the 1960s when people were literally ironing their hair on an ironing board to get it to look like mine!)  There was long list of things about me that, according to them, were flawed or simply inadequate. I kept hearing that I simply was not good enough, physically, mentally or emotionally, and I believed all of those things.  I did not believe anyone who tried to tell me differently.

I was 40 years old before I started learning that maybe they were wrong.  I had been working with daily affirmations to help develop a more positive mindset, and they seemed to be doing the job.  Then one day I was directed to stand in front of a full length mirror naked and say “I love you, Maria.”  Every day.  Until I started to believe it.  This turned out to be an excellent example of “fake it till you make it.”  It took a year.  A whole year of looking at my naked body with all its flaws and saying I loved it before I began to believe it.  It may have helped that I put a cartoon on the mirror that said “God don’t make no junk.” 

Twenty-nine years later I am still dealing with body image issues.  It is only a matter of some months since I decided that I was going to stop driving myself crazy counting calories or points or whatever so that I can get down to the “ideal” weight for my height.  I stopped worrying about fitting into the size 10 clothes in my closet instead of size 16.  I still don’t especially like the view from the side, or the view of my chin(s) from underneath, but for the first time in forever I can say “Meh” instead “OMG” when I look in the mirror.  For the first time in forever I can praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  

Today I believe I am a beautiful child of God, just the way God made me, because God don’t make no junk.

Creator God, for everything you have made, we thank you and lift our voices in praise.  We thank you especially for ourselves, our minds, bodies and souls, for you have made them to be wonderful.  May we accept ourselves as your beautiful children, formed in your image.  Amen.