Lead me, guide me

Proverbs 3:5.  (The Message)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

I looked up several different versions of this verse, just to see how different they were.  They were all very close.   Don’t rely on your own intelligence.  (CEB) Do not rely on your own insight (NRSV).  But I kind of like the Message version:  “don’t try to figure everything out on your own.”

In 12 Step meetings I often hear someone say, “I have a Higher Power today, and it is not me.”  For much of our lives we thought we were our own higher power, the captains of our own destiny.  We thought we knew best about what we needed, and how best to accomplish that.  Even now it is sometimes difficult to remember that I am not in charge of my life.   God is.  

The difficulty I have sometimes is in trusting God.   I have a lot of trouble trusting humans, and sometimes it is hard to remember that God is not like humans - humans are supposed to be like God, or at least, like Jesus when he was in human form.  I have trouble remembering that God always loves me, even when I do not love myself.  I do remember that I have freedom of will, but so do you, and sometimes your freedom of will interferes with mine, and bad things result.  Then I might wonder whether I can trust God, who let that bad thing happen.   Or I might want a particular result in a situation, and do everything in my power to achieve that result, only to have it fail.  And I might wonder whether I can trust God, who did not give me the thing I wanted.  Or I might be trying to make a decision and spend more time trying to figure it out on my own, with research and a pro and con list,  than in prayer and meditation - in speaking to God and listening for a response.

I need to be reminded daily to trust God and to place myself in God’s hands.  So before I even get out of bed in the morning I pray, saying... “God, take my will and my life.  Guide me in my recovery.  Show me how to live.”   That done, I am better able to remember that I do not have to figure everything out on my own, because God is in charge.

Holy God, I am so glad you are in charge today.  May I continue to turn to you for guidance and direction.  Amen.