23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
24 See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting
I have enjoyed reading science fiction and fantasy ever since I picked up Madeline L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time when I was about 12. Frequently these stories will include characters who can read minds. Now and then the person with that ability will be asked to use it to solve a crime or to learn some critical piece of information locked in another’s mind - like Spock’s Vulcan Mind Meld, which allows two persons to temporarily share their thoughts. “My mind to your mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts.”
More often than not, however, either the mind reader promises to stay out, or the people around them work to develop mental walls to keep them out. No one seems to want another person - not even a dear friend or lover - to be wandering around inside their head reading their every thought. I can understand that. There are times when I don’t even want to know what’s going on inside my head.
The Psalmist, though, says to God, “test me, and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked [or hurtful] way in me.” Earlier in this psalm he had been complaining that there was no where he could go to escape God. Now he wants God to know everything about him - his innermost thoughts and deepest desires. He wants to know if there is anything about him that is wicked, or hurtful in any way. And then, he wants God to guide him in the way he is supposed to go.
I remember complaining loudly the first time I had to share a Fifth Step - to admit to God, myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. I said, God already knows everything I ever did wrong, and so do I, and nobody else needs to. My sponsor, however, insisted that if I wished to be well, this was an important part of my healing. She said that I would learn I was neither as terrible as I feared nor as great as I wanted to be, but that I needed to accept myself as I was, warts and all, before I could move forward. She said that inviting God to come in to help me learn who Maria is would be terrifying and liberating. She was right.
We tend to believe that God knows all of our thoughts, and everything about us. So why invite God in? Because there is a huge difference between just passively allowing God access and throwing open the doors to our hearts and turning on the lights so that God can see into every nook and cranny, all of the places where we may have hidden things even from ourselves. In making the decision to invite God in, we remove the cloak that covers a multitude of sins, and proudly reveal our nakedness to the One who loves us most.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment