Breathing out and breathing in

 

1 Peter 4:7b NRSV

“Be self-controlled and clear headed so you can pray.”  

I am reading a new book of daily devotions - I know, another one.  This one was written by my friend and colleague, Sandhya Jha and is titled “Liberating Love: 365 Love Notes from God.” (Available from Chalice Press and Amazon.com).  Today’s meditation came from 1 Peter 4:8-11, which sent me back to read the rest of that chapter.  I was struck by this - the 2nd half of verse 7.  There is so much for me to consider in just this one verse!  

This is why these daily meditations I write help me so much.  In writing a sermon I have to research and study and consider for whom I am writing and even put my feelings aside.  In these daily writings I can focus closely on one or two verses, and just respond with how it makes me feel.  These journal posts help me reach into myself and grapple with fears, pain, prejudices, denial as well as celebrating the joyful stuff.  

“Be self-controlled and clear headed so you can pray.”  Right?  When my mind is spinning at 1,000,000 rpm I cannot pray.  I have to take a breath or twenty and calm myself in order to approach God with any words beyond “Lord, help me!”. Those words are good, and I use them a lot, but sometimes I need to speak my needs and fears out loud so that I can hear them more clearly.  When I am clear headed and under control of my emotions I am better able to see my situation, and to see what parts I can do and what parts I need to give to God.  

When I try to pray in the midst of reacting to the insanity of whatever crisis is going on, I often find myself doing a lot of circular thinking, or thinking I am in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.  That is sometimes true, but usually not.  I won’t be able to see past that if I don’t take the time to settle myself.  

Breathing out slowly, I let the frustration and panic go.  Breathing in deeply, I welcome God’s love and peace into my heart.  I may have to do that quite a few times before my mind and heart have calmed down enough to begin praying.  Sometimes all that does is allow me to begin praying the Serenity Prayer,

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes it takes all of this to get to a point where I am clear headed and in control of my emotions and reactions enough to really speak to God, and then - and this is the most important part - listen for God’s response. I can hear a lot better when my mind is open and calm.

God of peace and quiet, I come to you for answers and for assurance.  I know that I cannot hear you when my mind is running at high speed.  May I always remember to breathe and calm down enough to listen when life is making me crazy.  Amen.