Forgiving through love

 

1 Peter 4:8. NRSV

8 Above all, show sincere love to each other, because love brings about the forgiveness of many sins.

I have found that it is so much easier to forgive someone you love - and by love in this instance I mean think of fondly.  If I like you anyway, forgiveness is not nearly as difficult as it is to forgive someone I already have issues with.  If I like you anyway, I am more likely to cut you some slack and let bygones be bygones.  If I don’t like you, however, each new incident tends to bring increased dislike and more difficulty in forgiving you for your behavior.

And it doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself I can love someone I don’t like, that in fact God requires that I love even the people I don’t like (or truly despise) - it is sometimes hard to wrap my mind around how to actually do that.

Then something happens to remind me of the difference between love and like.  In this time of Covid and wildfires it is not hard to imagine a tragedy touching the life of any person.  Maybe the person I dislike becomes seriously ill, or has an accident, or something else bad happens to them.  Then I immediately turn to concern for their wellbeing.  I pray for them, and I might seek tangible ways to help.  Any dislike or resentment is put away during time of crisis.

This is what Love is - the desire for another person to have all the good things I want for myself.  Not the perfect job or bigger car or visible good things.  Rather, peace of heart, joy, contentment with my lot in life, serenity, willingness to serve those in need...

In order to forgive, this is what I need to be able to do - to put my love, my desire for all persons to recognize God’s blessings in their lives ahead of my dislike of an individual.  In order to forgive I begin to pray for that person to have all those good things, blessings, and before long love replaces resentments and anger. I may still dislike you, but I can forgive you.  

Forgiveness does not require forgetting.  In the case of an abusive partner, for example, I have been able to forgive the behavior but remember it, and keep my distance for my own safety.

Perhaps even more importantly, having done all this I can then forgive myself for the anger and resentment I have allowed to take control of my mind.  I can forgive myself for whatever my part in whatever the situation was that required forgiveness in the first place.  

Forgiving God, I cannot imagine forgiving the same people over and over as I know you have done.  Yet that is precisely what you require of us.  May I love others sufficiently that I can forgive, even as you do.  Amen.