Enough

Deuteronomy 15:10 (NRSV) 

Give liberally and be ungrudging when you do so, for on this

account the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all

that you undertake. -

This is one of the passages that Prosperity Gospel preachers love to preach.  If you tithe and give additional gifts, you will be financially successful.  The more you give, the more you will get.

I really hate that interpretation.  I don’t believe it is a correct interpretation. If it was true, we would be reading headlines saying, “Pastor Hazbucks of Give More Money Ministries reports that 90% of his congregation has been so blessed by God for their generous giving that they have moved from the ghetto to McMansion Row.”   Believe me, if this was happening, Pastor Hazbucks would be advertising the heck out of it, so even more people would start sending him money.  

If I reach in my pocket out of a sense of obligation, or because someone has laid a guilt trip on me, there will be no blessings.  There will instead be feelings of resentment and even anger that I was somehow made to do something I did not wish to do. If I give out of the desire for a promised reward, any earthly reward I receive is all I will get.  

When I am happy to donate to a cause I admire, like my congregation or public radio, it is something I do out of gratitude that I have been blessed with more than I need.  “My gratitude speaks when I care and when I share.”  When I give of my abundance, I am blessed, not with financial gain or the admiration of others, but with the joyful knowledge that I have been able in some small way to make someone else’s life better.  It doesn’t matter whether my gift is 50 cents or 50 dollars, as long as it is freely and joyfully given.

Giving God, whose bounty knows no limits, I thank you for giving me enough.  Enough for me, and enough to share.  May my giving always be done with gratitude and a joyful heart.  Amen.  

Solar Powered

Psalm 119:105  NRSV

105  Your word is a lamp to my feet

    and a light to my path.

One of my favorite contemporary hymns is Amy Grant’s “Thy Word.”  The chorus comes from Psalm 119:105, obviously.   In our hymnal the chorus is #326 and is often used as a response to the Scripture reading.  As much as I enjoy that, I wish we could sing the entire song more often.  Because it speaks to the ups and downs of faith.  It speaks to the way my mind and heart work.

I know you’re always there.  Please always be there.  

I will not forget your love for me, but my heart wanders.  

Please hold me close and I will love you forever.

It’s sort of like, “Oooh. Shiny!”  I know God is with me. I know Jesus walks beside me.  I know that my life should be guided by the Word.  I ask for that guidance every single morning!  

But I am like a child walking through a park with a grown up, running off every few steps to look at some fascinating thing.  I am easily distracted by emotional reactions to situations I encounter.  I get discouraged by the news  I hear, and upset by the vitriol I see in online discussions.  I know God is still speaking, but I find myself wondering sometimes if anyone is listening.  I believe God will make a way out of no way, but I worry that we will destroy ourselves before that happens. The path ahead seems dark, like a walkway lined by solar lights after a cloudy day.

The thing about solar powered lights is that the more time they are exposed to the sun in the daytime, the longer their light lasts.  The more time I spend with God, with the Word, the better my path is lit.  The more time I spend focused on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable,” (Phil. 4:8) the brighter my path will be.  The more time I spend focused on the light, willing to see the good in situations that look dark, the closer my walk with Christ will be.

God of Light, thank you for being there, even when I have wandered off on a tangent.  Thank you for sending the Christ to light my way, as a lamp on a darkening path.  Amen.

The sun will come up tomorrow

Hebrews 11:1 (NRSV)

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

The age old question about faith - How can you believe in something you cannot see? The standard answer - I cannot see the air or the wind, yet I believe they are real.  Nor can I see my own breath, yet I know it exists, and it keeps me alive.

“Yeah, but what about really polluted air?  We can see that, so your point is invalid.”

True, in some parts of the world the air is quite visible - although technically it is particulate matter being carried by the air, like smoke or dust or pollen, that we see, not the air itself.  

“Yeah, but what about when it’s cold out?  We can see our breath then, so your point is invalid.”   True, breath can be seen at certain temperatures, but that is a matter of the moisture in our warm breath condensing into mist when it hits the cold air.  We still can’t see the air, only something being carried by the air.  

Yeah, but what about . . . Whenever I hear a sentence beginning with those words I anticipate that the rest of the sentence will be an attempt to deflect from the actual topic.  Yes, sometimes there are specific cases that seem to contradict a given statement, but they are often the exception that proves the rule.  Seeing smoke in the air is not the same thing as seeing the air.  While I am busy defending against the contradiction we are losing track of the point.

Faith is . . . the conviction of things not seen.  The fact that I cannot see it is why faith is required.  The fact that I cannot touch it or smell it or taste it but yet I firmly believe it is why it is a matter of faith . . . in whatever it is that I have faith in.  I have faith that the sun will come up tomorrow.  I have faith that my God will be there whenever I am in pain or sorrow and when I am filled with joy.   

I didn’t always have faith that God was good and loving, forgiving and merciful.  But when a friend asked whether I could believe that she believed those things, my answer was yes.  Believing in her belief carried me until I could claim faith in that God, the one who only wants the best for me, who grieves when I grieve, who laughs with me on joyous occasions, and who holds me in all of the “yeah, but” times.  Even - maybe especially - when my faith is shaky.  

Faithful and steadfast God, your love overwhelms me.  Even when I do not believe in you, you believe in me.  You wait until I am ready to come to you.  May the “yeah, buts” in my life not distract me from my faith in you.  Amen

Lead me, guide me

Proverbs 3:5.  (The Message)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

I looked up several different versions of this verse, just to see how different they were.  They were all very close.   Don’t rely on your own intelligence.  (CEB) Do not rely on your own insight (NRSV).  But I kind of like the Message version:  “don’t try to figure everything out on your own.”

In 12 Step meetings I often hear someone say, “I have a Higher Power today, and it is not me.”  For much of our lives we thought we were our own higher power, the captains of our own destiny.  We thought we knew best about what we needed, and how best to accomplish that.  Even now it is sometimes difficult to remember that I am not in charge of my life.   God is.  

The difficulty I have sometimes is in trusting God.   I have a lot of trouble trusting humans, and sometimes it is hard to remember that God is not like humans - humans are supposed to be like God, or at least, like Jesus when he was in human form.  I have trouble remembering that God always loves me, even when I do not love myself.  I do remember that I have freedom of will, but so do you, and sometimes your freedom of will interferes with mine, and bad things result.  Then I might wonder whether I can trust God, who let that bad thing happen.   Or I might want a particular result in a situation, and do everything in my power to achieve that result, only to have it fail.  And I might wonder whether I can trust God, who did not give me the thing I wanted.  Or I might be trying to make a decision and spend more time trying to figure it out on my own, with research and a pro and con list,  than in prayer and meditation - in speaking to God and listening for a response.

I need to be reminded daily to trust God and to place myself in God’s hands.  So before I even get out of bed in the morning I pray, saying... “God, take my will and my life.  Guide me in my recovery.  Show me how to live.”   That done, I am better able to remember that I do not have to figure everything out on my own, because God is in charge.

Holy God, I am so glad you are in charge today.  May I continue to turn to you for guidance and direction.  Amen.

Jesus is my rock

Psalm 131: 2-3  (Message)

I’ve kept my feet on the ground,

    I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.

Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,

    my soul is a baby content.

3 

Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.

    Hope now; hope always!

I must admit today that my heart is not quiet.  My soul is not baby content.  Hope is like a butterfly - so close, almost in my hand, fluttering just out of reach.   

Changes are happening too quickly.  The news is uniformly discouraging.  We seem to be back where we started almost four months ago, with new cases surging in much of the nation. I see colleagues on social media advocating for worship as usual - no masks, lots of singing, no distancing requirements - even though the science indicates strongly that these things are dangerous.  

So I turned to a recently purchased book of prayers that I have found helpful on other days, Ash and Starlight: prayers for the chaos and grace of daily life, by Adriana Braithwaite Lehn.   I found a prayer titled “When I need fresh faithfulness while I wait.”  It begins, “Strong and stable God.”  

Stability.  That’s what is missing.  When everything is in flux and turmoil and seems unstable, it is hard to be content.  Contentment is a word that indicates comfort with the situation I am in, and I find it very hard to be comfortable in the current climate.  It is hard to be content when anger permeates social discourse. I mean, who can be content and angry at the same time?   

I am reminded to look to the Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...”  Lord knows I cannot change anything that is going on around me.  I cannot change my situation, my place in the world, the course of the virus, other peoples’ behavior and attitude.  I can only change how I respond to all of those things.  It does me no good to be angry at how other people are behaving.  All I can do is what I believe to be the right thing, the more loving thing, and pray for the wellbeing of those with whom I disagree.   That prayer for the wellbeing of other people, is what allows my heart to quiet, to become content with my situation, to hope while I wait for whatever comes next.  

Strong and stable God, you are my rock, in whom I take refuge.  May the words of the psalm become my reality. May I keep my feet upon your holy ground, that I might know peace of heart, contentment in my situation, and hope while I wait. Amen.

Knee bent and body bowed

Psalm 145:8, 14.  CEB

8    “The Lord is merciful and compassionate,

    very patient, and full of faithful love.

14 

The Lord supports all who fall down,

    straightens up all who are bent low.

Someone asked me yesterday, “How are you holding up?”  I responded, “I’m ok.  Some days are better than others, just like everyone else.”   Today started out as one of those other days.  The news is so disturbing. Covid cases are rising so quickly here in Selma - 50 new cases in the last 4 days!  People I know are catching it.  Some members of the congregation I serve are working in very risky occupations.  I just felt powerless and dejected.  There are too many stories to pay attention to, too many voices to listen to.  All I wanted was to go back to bed.

I did all the things that usually pick me up. My morning prayer.  My gratitude list.  A comfort-food breakfast (Fried Spam, scrambled eggs, and buttered grits - yum).  Dressing in red and black.  Freshly brewed coffee.  None of those things worked - not even the coffee.  *sigh*

Then I  looked at the scripture readings for today and I saw this psalm about God’s goodness and steadfast love, trustworthiness and faithfulness. My eyes rested on verse 14, “The Lord supports all who fall down, straightens up all who are bent low.”  And I realized that, right this minute, I am one of those who are bent low.

God is always patient with me, allowing me to just keep on keeping on until I can’t any more.  When I can no longer hold myself up, God’s love is a cane, a support I can lean on.  God holds me up until I have regained my strength, and then steps back, watching over me as I continue on my way.  Always God speaks to me - often through others.  

A few weeks ago, Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber posted a plea on Facebook for pastors to take a few days Sabbath time, and for congregations to support them in this.  Most of us, like me, cancelled our regularly scheduled vacations in the face of the pandemic and the constant changes and challenges facing our congregations.  After she posted I started seeing colleagues taking her recommendation.  One after another signed off for a few days of Sabbath time.  Then Toni Bynum, our Regional Minister, took a few days. Then Rev. Teri Hord Owens, our General Minister and President, took a few days.  Now I think I need to follow their example, and take a few days of Sabbath rest.  

So this is what I shall do.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of next week - July 6-8 - I will take some Sabbath time.  You might think of it as a vacation, or a private retreat.  It will be time spent letting God hold me up while I rest up - time with no email, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Zoom, no group chats.   Just me and the cats.  And books.  And naps.

Compassionate and loving God, thank you for always being there, to catch me when I fall, to hold me up when I lack the strength to support myself.  May I be wise enough to listen when you speak, so that I might do your will in all things.  Amen.

Yes, Lord!

Jeremiah 18:1-4

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Come, go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear my words.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. 4 The vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as seemed good to him. 

5 Then the word of the Lord came to me: 6 Can I not do with you, O house of Israel, just as this potter has done? says the Lord.

The vessel he was making was spoiled, and he reworked it  . . .  Can I not do with you as the potter has done?  

I said “Yes, Lord! You did that with me!”   Having said that, a fragment of a song came into my head, so I had to go search for it on YouTube.  I found a really cute lip-synced dance version done by Young Adults from Southland Church - an Asian American congregation in Anaheim, CA.   The full chorus says:

  

“I’m trading my sorrows.  I’m trading my shame.  

I’m trading my sickness. I’m trading my pain . . . for the joy of my Lord. 

Yes, Lord.  Yes, Lord.  Yes, yes, Lord!  (3x) 

Amen” 

And again I said “Yes!”  This is my story!  This is what I did!  God took clay - me - and began to mold me into the person he wanted me to be. Then things went wrong, I went the wrong way, and God had to rework me.  It took a while.  I tend to be stubborn (surprise!) and I resisted for a long time.

Working with clay is like that.  Sometimes you have to start over several times, maybe adding some water to make the clay more malleable. But eventually, the clay will take the shape you want it to, and become whatever you had in mind all along.   As God did with me.  

Creator God, thank you for having the patience to continue working with us even when we are not cooperating.  Thank you for the reminders that we are not in charge - you are.  Thank you for giving us the opportunity to say “Yes, Lord!”  Amen.